dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
