I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
