goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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