Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
