On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
