You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize