Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize