When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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