god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
