I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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