remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
