So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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