check it out our google latitudes are spooning
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
