I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
