Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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