Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
