he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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