I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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