I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
