FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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