we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
