Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
