Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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