Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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