I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
