I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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