i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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