areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
