last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
