There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
