Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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