it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
