so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
