sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
