haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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