I am puke
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
