Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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