I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
