they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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