R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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