toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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