Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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