just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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