and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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