In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
