My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
