Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
