I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
