We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
