I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
