you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think i got beer on your cat.
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