Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
