Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
