Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
