he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
