Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
