now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
