Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
