I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
