Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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