you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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