Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
