In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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