It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
