i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
