Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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