My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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