Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
