You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
