porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
