i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
