I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
