you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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