I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
