Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
