Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
