I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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