sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
