I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
