she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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