His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
