I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
These tits shall not be calmed
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