You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
