At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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