you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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