Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
