in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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