Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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