We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I understand Curling. That high.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
