My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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