Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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