Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just had sex on a roof
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
