never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
