i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
