I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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