but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
