is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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